


2 AM Conversation with a bartender

by shan_shan_shaniali



Series: Tayley [3]
Category: Bandom, Paramore
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shan_shan_shaniali/pseuds/shan_shan_shaniali
Summary: Tayley.Hayley still married to Chad is struggling with her feelings for Taylor, she goes to a bar to escape.It's sad but I don't think it's triggering, if it triggered you, let me know and I'll put a trigger warning.
Relationships: Hayley Williams & Taylor York, Hayley Williams/Taylor York
Series: Tayley [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962391
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one wrote itself last night at 1 AM, I minimally edited it because I wanted to keep it as raw as possible. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, I always love comments !

Hayley walked into the bar and was immediately greeted by the bartender.

" Hi princess, what can I get you ? "

" I don't know, shots, tequila !"

" Coming right up ! "

She walked up to the bar and sat on one of the stools.

" So that's where people who don't want to go home go, huh ? "

" My husband is waiting for me at home and I cannot bring myself to go home. I know he's waiting, he probably made dinner, he's really been trying lately but I just can't do it anymore. He broke my trust so many times and now I'm breaking his too in a different way but somehow I think it makes it worse. Physically, you can blame it on the weakness of the flesh, you were too turned on, you couldn't stop yourself, you let your body take over for a second and it's too late to go back. "

" This is different, wishing you weren't there but pretending you're happy, that it's where you want to be, that this is still what you want when everyday you're just wishing a little bit more you weren't there."

" To be honest, I don't think I really wanted to be married, I thought this was what I wanted but it wasn't, it really wasn't. And now, I'm stuck with a ring on my finger, a life I pictured but I'm not sure it was really my picture. I don't recognize myself, I don't recognize my life, I don't understand how I got here, how do I go from one poor decison to this chaos. "

" You know what's worse, the pain I cause him, that's the most horrible part, the people on the other side of your choices and mistakes. He's so kind to me, always so kind but I know he's hurting probably as much as I am maybe even more because I forced us into this twisted game and comedy of pretending to be what we're not. And we do it well, we've played that game for over a decade now, we know how to play the part, how to look like we don't know, we don't see. We've become experts at it so well that sometimes it feels like it's impossible for things to be different now. This has gone on for too long, it's too late now. We all know our characters too well and we're dedicated to see this misery through, till the end. "

" I never realized, I wish I had known that entering this game would break 3 hearts. I still don't understand why he's still here. You know ? My choice put him in an untainable position but he's still by my side supporting me. I wish he stopped being so kind, so forgiving, so selfless sometimes, it only brings more regrets."

" So no I don't want to talk because if I open my mouth, I'm afraid inescapable truths will come out and I'll end up saying things like I never should have gotten married in the first place or even things like I have feelings for someone else and I'm in love with my best friend and have been for years. Or I will tell you that every night when I go to sleep I pretend it's him I'm married to and it's him I'm making love to... "

But I can't really say that, can I ? So I just pretend I don't see it's him i really want !"

" There's no place for truth in our little universe because I made it so, we've become so attached to that lie and to its preservation that it would shatter everything, not just him or me or my life but also what we built together. I made the choice to put something else first, trying not to be selfish for a change and it ended up being the selfishest choice of all but I didn't know it at the time. Somehow I ended up walking on a tightrope over a cliff with lava at the bottom, no matter how I fall, I'll die and this perfect little universe that we're trying so hard to keep alive will crash and burn too. I feel we're at the end of this rope and my last move will decide where we'll end up. So I don't want to move because I'm just so tired of things exploding in my face. "

" Do you know how many times I had to pick up and start over ? I'm tired, I don't have it in me so I'll just die inside and stay where things are because I'd rather die like this, losing this perfect illusion that we built would kill me. "

" In both scenarios, I'm dying so I've decided to die maintaining this perfect little illusion in place. I've invested a decade in it, it looks great in people's eyes, I've cultivated it so well, I've trained people to not see the rest, to ignore it. There's only one that person that sees, no matter how hard I try to keep him in character where I placed him I'm this twisted little play I created. He sees everything. But I can't have him shatter everything like this, I've spent years building this fortress, he has to stay in his role. I can't have him ruin everything. That's why I decided to stay, I might as well protect our perfect illusion until the end. I built it after all, it'd be a shame if it collapsed. "

" People love it when it's neat, perfect and blameless, stainless. A perfect little house, tied in a bow, nothing that reminds us of our own ugliness. People stayed in bad marriages for centuries right, I can do it too. I can stay in character, I can smile and everyone will believe me. I'll die inside knowing I'm keeping things alive, isn't that one of the most beautiful reasons to die ? For something to stay alive ? Shattered illusions cost too much, I'm done paying the price. I made my bed, didn't I ? You know what ? It wasn't even my bed but I still made it anyway. "

" Do you ever wish you could go back in time ? Because I've been retracing my steps and I don't understand how I got here..."

" I used to think people having affairs were horrible people but I guess it just never occurred to me you could wake up one day and realize this isn't where you want to be anymore. But you trapped other people with your words, not just yourself and now everyone depends on you to keep playing that part. So because you don't want to hurt anyone,you just do what keeps your heart alive without risking it all to fall down. Sounds like the perfect solution right ?

" I don't think I have it in me though, I think if I let myself love him, there would be no going back, it would never be just physical with us. "

" My husband made dinner. I'm sure a lot of wives would be thrilled to have a husband that cooks. When he was setting the table, it felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there."

" You know what he told me the other day that it didn't matter what I'd do, he would never leave, he'd always stay by my side and would never abandon me. I tried to kill his love for me so many times, I can't have a guy like him love me, I don't deserve that, I don't deserve a love this pure, I'm the mistress, I'm the whore ! I deserve a love that will remind me that I'm not worth more. But everytime I try to have him stay in his place, he just keeps on loving me ! It's pretty annoying actually, the way he always loves me, protects me. I wonder if he hates me sometimes, I hate me too you know. But this is what I signed for, vowed for actually. So there's not much we can do now but stay in the tracks of the trainwreck that I set in motion for everyone. "

" Hayley, I've been looking everywhere for you, are you ok ? Chad said you've been gone for hours ? Is everything ok ? " Taylor's voice woke her up to a reality she wasn't prepared to face. She looked up unable to answer him afraid that the truths she started spilling were still on her lips.

" Come on, let's get you home." She bit her lips so hard to keep the words from coming out. She was scared there might be blood " I want to come home to you ", she thought it so loud that she was afraid he would hear it. She slowly got up, she still hadn't said any word. He put his arms around her shoulder. She followed him quietly.


	2. Conversation at 4 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor and Hayley are talking on their way back to Hayley and Chad's house.

Hayley was quietly fiddling with her hands in the backseat while Taylor was driving. She was trying to resist looking at Taylor behind the wheel. He was wearing a frown on his forehead trying to figure out what was wrong with her. She looked up and noticed the road signs and frowned. 

"Wait, this isn't the way home, where are we going?" 

"To get some coffee, you need to sober up before you go home!",he suggested. 

"You're probably right!" She sighed. 

"So what happened?" He tried. 

"What do you mean?" She turned to look at him. 

"Hayley, you don't normally get drunk at 2 AM in a bar so i'm guessing something happened!" 

"I wasn't getting drunk!" She countered. 

"You were drinking though!" he pointed. 

"I needed to clear my head!" He snorted. "Well that's definitely the wrong way to do it! Any reason in particular?" 

"I couldn't stay at home anymore!" 

"Were you two in a fight?" He asked. 

"No, he made dinner!" She said lost in her thoughts. 

"What? Hayley, I don't understand a word you're saying, he made dinner so you decided to leave and get drunk oh no i'm sorry, clear your head?" 

"I'm not ready to talk about it, she paused. I can't!" 

"Ok, I don't want to push you. I just want to make sure you're ok!" He said meaning every word. 

"I'm not, not really. " She confessed. 

"What can i do?" He sincerely asked. 

"Nothing, i don't know…" She shrugged, he got the message. They finished the drive quietl. 

"Ok we're here. your usual ? he said as he got out of the car and made his way towards the passenger seat to open the door for her. 

"Yes, please, decaff please! I need to at least try to get some sleep tonight!" He looked down and saw all the notifications lighting up her phone

Hayley, Chad tried to call you at least 20 times, check your phone! 

"I know!" She said grabbing her phone and deleting all the notifications off her phone. 

"I don't know, text him or something, let him know you're ok! He must be really worried" 

"Can you do it?" She suggested. 

"I'm not sure it's a great idea!" Things had always been tense between him and Chad and he didn't want to make things worse for Hayley. 

"Fine, from my phone, then!" She handed him her phone. As Taylor was grabbing it, the phone landed on her lockscreen, Taylor's eyebrows rose in surprise when he saw that she had chosen a picture of them together instead of a picture of her and Chad. He tried to cover all the questions that were swirling in his mind, it really was a strange night. 

He texted a generic " i needed time to think " is that ok ? He showed the screen to her. 

"No, don't tell him that!" She exclaimed a little too loud. He frowned and kept his eyes focused on her trying to decipher what was going on in her mind. 

"You're gonna have to have an explanation on why you walked out on him and didn't come home until 4 AM!" 

"Just tell him, I'll be home soon !" She said, still avoiding his gaze. 

Ok. He typed the text and gave her back her phone. 

Taylor could see Hayley was agitated. 

"Do you want me to call Brian or Lindsy? Look it's clear you need to talk about it with someone and you don't want to talk to me so…" He trailed off. He could see she needed to talk. 

"Taylor, it's not that i don't want to!" She said, grabbing his hands, it's that I can't!" 

"And I got that, He reassured her, "I just wanted to make sure you had someone to talk to! 

"It's fine!" She said focusing on her coffee. 

Ok, I'll drop it ! he said, dropping his hands showing her he didn't want to push. 

"Thanks!" She smiled, quickly looking up at him, she didn't want to look at him too long knowing she wouldn't be able to hide his feelings for him. 

"But just so you know, I don't understand a thing of what happened tonight ! His confusion was written all over his face. 

"I just needed some air, it's not that big of a deal!" 

"I don't believe you, you don't have to tell me but i can tell something's going on with you." 

She didn't reply. All right, are you done ? She deflected. 

"Yeah, let's go!" She got up and followed him to his car. She watched him walking ahead of her, she was surprised by thoughts of wanting to hold his hand, wrap her arms around him and go home with him. 

As they sat in the car once again in silence, she surprised him by suddenly exclaiming. 

"Turn around!" her mind was made up. 

"What?" 

"Turn around, I don't want to go home!" Was it still really home, anyway? 

"Seriously, Hayley are you ok?" 

"Yes, i don't want to go home ! Can you drive me to my mother's house instead?" 

"Sure but Hayley, it's 4 AM…" He pointed.    
"I have a key…"    
"Ok, your mother, it is!" 

They stood in front of Hayley's mother house. 

"Thanks T, thank you for always being there for me and for not pushing me to talk tonight, I know i was probably really hard to follow." 

He shrugged. "I got your back, always. Let me know when you're ready to talk, all right? Goodnight!" 

"Night T!" 

She walked up the stairs then turned around and opened the door of his car. He turned his head surprised but got out of the car. He was really surprised as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a long hug. They hadn't hugged in a very long time, this hug was different, she was holding him like she never wanted to let him go. He waited for what seemed to be hours until she let him go. She quicly turned around not giving him the chance to see her face and the tears streaming down her face. He stood frozen in shock for a few minutes before he got out of his daze, sat back in his car and drove him. He got ready to bed and was trying to fall asleep, rolling and turning in his bed unaware that the object of his affection was staying up all night doing the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, well this turned into a multi-chapter, enjoy!


End file.
